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When I was trying to come up with a funny and memorable name to write under for some of my Thailand fiction books I had a pool of about four names to choose from. Well, Mike I knew was going to be the first name – it’s tough. It’s short. It’s easy to remember.

The last name I was unsure about. One of the choices was Fook. My brother said my name MUST be Mike Fook. I instantly agreed. I have no idea where the idea for it came about, but perhaps it was my subconscious playing games with me.

Remember this?

I just thought I’d brain spew for a few minutes. This is some of the random shit flying through my cranium today, and some of it is recurring. I get to look at it every day. You don’t really want to be me.

  • Right after I bragged about how my body was immune to all injury, I immediately stress fractured my right 5th metatarsal. That was six friggin months ago and I’ll go Postal if I can’t run long distance by the end of this month.
  • My dick swelling has come down considerably. I’m no longer “Donkey Boy” but I am a candidate for a transplant if any of you know anybody. I spared you a blog about the incident in excruciating detail, but a herd of very small, almost invisible ants, lay in wait on my towel until I squeegeed my full frontal and assbone. At which time, they coordinated a well timed attacked en masse and swole me all up. It took 2 days for swelling to subside somewhat. Now I’m left with the itchiest organ on the planet.
  • I’m trying to figure out a way to tell my niece to get the FUCK OUT OF THE NEST and go do something with her life. Just can’t seem to find a kind and gentle way to say it.
  • I’m trying to kill my ex-girlfriend in Florida from here in Thailand. I use thought waves. She was, well, you know, the one that took my son away for no good goddamned reason.
  • Grandma makes the best spicy green beans and chicken plate lunch I’ve ever wolfed down in six minutes.
  • My stomach hurts. I’m guessing cancer, if it’s anything bad. It’s been about six months. It will go away, I’m sure of it. It hurts too many places for it to be cancer. And, if it is, then I’m surely fucked and there’s no point going to find out and knowing I’m going to die from it – I’d rather it be a surprise.
  • Fuck snakes – I’ve found so few the last four times I’ve gone that I’m not going any more. If one climbs over the back wall – great – I’ll grab it. Otherwise, I just don’t have time to go looking.
  • If you haven’t yet bought one of the ultra-cheap Manfrotto compact light tripods – go, RUN to get one. They’re brilliant.
  • Feeling sheepish. I haven’t told my wife I also bought an extra Nikon battery at the same time I got the tripod. ($70).
  • I’ve been feeling like I’m going nofuckingplace lately. I’ve started to bitch about people that I see going nofuckingplace too because it makes it all too real that I’m on track to beat them to it. That’s scary. I haven’t ever been stalled out this long about what to do with my energy.
  • 45 pieces of paper on my desk and wall are telling me what to do and I give ’em all the bird daily, doing something else entirely.
  • I keep entertaining ideas of finishing that book I started a year ago. I even saw a very apropos (sp?) quote that smacked me in the face about it –

greatness-garyv-quote4

I should be “going after it” to achieve some greatness of some sort. I know I should. Fuck, that makes me angry…

  • It’s just a matter of time before me, my brother, or sister ends up with cancer or a tumor in the head. Gotta keep pushing to get some shit done before calamity strikes.
  • Beer in Thailand is absolutely horrible. If you can’t drink it at 33F, don’t drink it at all.
  • The UFO guys all have their panties in a bunch about “Disclosure” happening soon. I’m not 100% sure there is anything much to reveal. I think UFO’s we see in the sky are, in large part, our own. The US reverse-engineered some downed alien craft and that’s it. We’re flying them around and having a blast scaring the hell out of everyone. When the dollar is in absolute peril, they’ll claim an invasion is imminent. The countries of the world will join together against the threat like Ronald Reagan said a number of times, and there will be a one-world government that looks great in the short-term, but becomes mankind’s worst nightmare before long. That sounds like a book.
  • I keep getting teased with the idea of a 15-inch MacBook Air with retina screen. I am ALL OVER THAT if it ever makes an appearance.
  • My daughter is supposed to have swim class today at her pre-school. I’m guessing they don’t test the water and adjust chemicals daily, they don’t have ANYONE there with CPR certification, they have about 1 teacher per 78 kids, and they don’t pull the kids out of the water at the first sign of thunder. Thailand is a fucking nightmare if you have kids. Don’t bring them unless it’s vacation, and then, be very careful what they’re doing every single minute. Exposed wiring in the shower? Quite possible. I’ve seen it. Exposed wiring in the hotel at knee level next to the bed? Yep, saw it this past weekend. Plus the voltage here is 220v and it shakes the hell out of you when you grab a wire (yes, done that twice here.)
  • I eat oatmeal for breakfast – no sugar, no honey. I think I’m doing myself some good. At 10 am I’m ready to eat dirt I’m so hungry. I have a pretzel. A handful. I eat the fucking bag and think I’ll skip lunch. Nope, grandma already made lunch. I eat it to make her feel good. I think I’ll skip dinner. by 6 pm I’m losing my mind. I eat dinner too.
  • I have to tell a small handful of people to fuck off – they’re taking too much of my time.
  • Grandma doesn’t know how to open a child-proof multi-vitamin jar – I have to open it for her. She never saw one here.
  • I’m ready to cash out and focus on just one thing. Thing is, it hurts more to do it than to think about it. Then I’d really have to focus on one thing.
  • Our car is about 10 yrs old and we really should upgrade. Thing is, we just upgraded our home.
  • Running ads on facebook to see if all the hype is true. So far today I’ve paid 18 cents per click through to my site, had three clicks and no sales. Just sayin. If I get one sale in $10 spent, it will be worth it, but the waiting sucks. I targeted women 23-65, in calif, tx, IL, FL, NY, Singapore that spoke english, graduated or were in college, use safari or chrome web browsers, and who spent a lot of money on facebook recently. Oh, and some ‘interest’ categories too to really nail it down. I pushed everyone to a super sales page with everything listed at 50% or more off. If I don’t sell anything, FB is worthless.
  •  I’m sitting an hour, standing 5-10 minutes. I do NOT want another hemmorhoid issue. Lassoing it, spending five days enduring assfireworks, and then cutting it off upside down on the floor in a puddle of my own blood wasn’t the most fun I’ve had on a Sunday.

OK then. On that note… cheerio ol’ chaps.

Vern L. masquerading as Mike Fook

girl-of-my-dreams
You know how you get struck by the lightning blast of love only once, maybe twice in your life? Yeah, it happened to me when I was 19. Swimming around, bodyboarding with friends at a remote beach on the Northeast shore of Oahu… there she was. I wrote a short story about something that happened to us.

Anyway. We’ve all had those experiences. Then, today, from NOWHERE. OUT OF THE CLEAR BLUE SKY, this girl was brought to me from across the world, straight into my sweet little MacBook Pro.

I don’t even know this girl’s name. But, that doesn’t matter in the least, as you’ll soon see in the video below.

A woman just read two of my articles on this site: Vultures Eating Kids, and Radiation – Part of God’s Good Plan for the World? She said in her comment that she cried so hard she thought her soul was bleeding.

I felt the same thing as I wrote them. There are events going on in the world that are sick beyond measure, and we’re overlooking them on a day-to-day basis just to save ourselves the pain. Much of the world would be a sniveling bunch of misfit empaths if we forced ourselves to wrap our heads around the injustices that abound in astounding number.

My job used to be working with young kids who had suffered at the hands of monsters. It was fulfilling. It was mind-wrenching. I kept my anger out of all direct contact with these heartless pieces of shit, but when I went home at night and stared at the ceiling, my mind would devise crazy vigilante schemes about which I’d sometimes think – this could actually work. Nobody would know.

Before that I worked with people sentenced to an old home for their remaining years. No chance of parole, they were going to die right there with the other forty-eight residents, most of whom they never spoke with and downright hated. I changed Depends diapers, took the rectal temperature of a guy with balls as big as a camel’s and that kept blocking the thermometer. I changed colostomy bags. I even helped a 93 year old woman rub salve on her hanging vagina. Nurses orders. Another time I watched her dig out a fecal impaction with such a horrific smell, it could have dropped a horse.

Speaking of horses.

Rudy, somewhere about 78, ran around the place with his zipper down so he could say the same damn thing over and over to anyone who mentioned it – “If the horse can’t get UP, he can’t get OUT!” And that ended most conversations about the matter. At least until the next person wanted to get a rise out of him. One of his other favorite games was to go into poor old sweet little Sarah’s room and lock the door behind him. She would scream in a cooing dove’s voice – very odd – but everyone in the place knew that old bastard Rudy was up to no good and there was a mad rush for the room before he did any damage.

Those were the good old days. That’s how I see them now. I worked for a paycheck. The paycheck was small, but the rewards were never-ending. I can still remember so many faces and personalities. I can still feel the pain of the place. The isolation. The fear of another day facing a life few of them seemed to want to continue.

When I graduated with my master’s degree, I jumped ship and worked in IT. I fixed desktop and notebook computers, printers. I fixed network issues. I became certified in a dozen different IT specialties. I’ve been doing that since 1996.

I jumped for the money really. No doubt about that at all. I had immense job satisfaction helping people in the mental health system. Now that I’ve helped people with computers, search engines, building websites, writing, and internet marketing I have to say, it’s nothing like really helping people with something that matters.

The stuff that matters doesn’t pay. I mean, unless you’re working for an NGO in Cambodia and making $80,000 USD a month. I’ve been there. I’m not sure the dozens (hundreds?) of groups there are really doing anything at all except making shit-tons of money for themselves.

How many of us can do stuff that matters over a lifetime? Have any of you? Even one person?

Do you know anyone that has dedicated an entire life to helping others that need it – unselfishly, without the underlying motivation being money?

Most of us (myself included) are caught up in the Make Money game. As I come up on fifty years of life, I’ve never been more driven to make money in my life. Having a lot of debt and a family gives me that internal push. I love that I have it, but I wish I could ‘have it all’ again at some point.

Maybe someday I will, there’s nothing I’d like better than to be helping people AND making bank.

What are you doing with your life?

Another one! Love these!

Brothers Three, by Laura Lovic-Lindsay

New Apple MacBook Air 12-inch retina screen notebook computer with various upgrades for 2015. Possibly the ultimate writer's notebook computer.

Update – the Spring Forward Apple event just happened (it’s still going on, but all I care about is finished).

The MacBook Air 12-inch retina notebook from Apple is a reality.

There are some pleasant surprises. Not sure how this shakes out. The dumb thing is still light as fly-paper – at 2 lbs.

Here’s what I got from the presentation:

  • 2 pounds
  • 1.1 GHZ processor with turbo up to 2.9 GHZ
  • 10 hour battery on WiFi. They say 9, but they always sandbag
  • gold, space grey, UFO silver – the usual
  • 8 GB RAM (nice)
  • 256 GB SSD (nice)
  • revamped keyboard – keys using butterflies, not scissors – maybe nice for feel. Let’s see.
  • bigger keys – no mention of whether keyboard narrows, or not
  • forced touch tapping on trackpad – so, it’s like clicking – without a click? Remains to be seen
  • starts at $1,300 which is nice, and $1,599 for faster processor and 512 GB SSD – can that be RIGHT?
  • one USB 3 (c) port, and a headphone jack that doubles as a microphone in
  • nicer backlight – one for each key, less light bleed it looks like
  • 24% thinner than the current MacBook Air – guess they compared to 13-inch
  • no fan – that means no noise, but maybe more heat

That’s about it.

Is it the ultimate writer’s notebook computer? Could be. Depends on a few things – like the keyboard really, and whether they dorked up the touchpad to make it forced touch.

Shipping April 10th.

The current MacBook Airs and Pros are getting updates too. Faster Processors and RAM, and the Pro is getting the forced touchpad dealio. Hope it’s not a deal breaker. I frickin’ LOVE the current trackpad.

UPDATE 7/2015 – I’ve spied this thing in the Apple stores here and tried the keyboard over and over. Though I don’t like the feel, I actually type more accurately with it, and faster. It’s weird. I don’t want to like it, and I don’t, but, productivity seems like it would actually go up if I used one. Anybody having the same experience?

It’s almost like typing on a flat desk with just some haptic feedback for a key click. Like the touchpad and its fake click. Maybe that will be the next step as people get used to very little key travel with this one, then in a couple more generations, they eliminate moving buttons at all and just give you a little buzz vibration to make it seem like you touched a key – but the keyboard will be absolutely flat.

Wonder how thin the Apple notebooks will be in 2 years? Extremely… maybe just like a couple pieces of paper.

Apple's MacBook Air and Watch event 2015.

We’re an hour away from what is probably going to be Apple’s biggest blunder since the Apple Newton back in 1996 or so. Can’t remember. I did buy one of the damn things though! No wait, we bought two of them! I thought they would be a good database manager for all my real estate contacts. The handwriting recognition wasn’t that bad. Still, it was a badly timed device.

Is the MacBook Air 12-inch Retina Apple’s new HUMPTY DUMPTY MOVE?

If you’ve seen my video on the topic, you already know my views.

I’ll elaborate a bit here.

In one hour and some minutes we’re probably going to hear about Apple’s latest MacBook Air with retina screen. There are a number of dork moves in this one. Well, here:

1. 12-inches that is in the footprint of, or even smaller than the 11-inch MacBook Air. We need a 13-14-17-inch machine, not 12-inch.

2. Up to 2 ports. I said UP TO. One USB 3 and a dual microphone / headphone jack. Weeee…. sounds like a blast carrying around extra ports in my pocket. That’s fucked.

3. Slightly narrower keyboard! ha! What in the EFF are they doing? Narrower=dumb+dumber

4. Clickless trackpad. Dicking with the only thing that is absolutely perfect on any of the Mac computers – is folly. These follyful fuckers are actually screwing with the FRICKING TRACKPAD!

5. Thinner and lighter. This just translates into harder to handle and slippier off my lap.

 

Is THIS the ultimate notebook computer for writers across the globe?

Not unless you’re 8 to 12 years old with small hands.

So, what IS the ultimate notebook for writers in 2015?

There isn’t one.

I have the MacBook Air 13-inch retina. It’s as good as it gets, and it isn’t perfect by any means. I’d like it bigger, a 14-inch screen would be nice. Having it a bit lighter would be great. As it is, the behemoth 15-inch tank is the next option to get a bigger notebook. Those things weigh as much as three or four MacBook Airs. Your choice. The Airs with their lacking screens, or a 13-inch Pro which is as good as it gets, and it ain’t getting any better in 2015, and probably not 2016 either. I really hope someone steps up and makes an amazing alternative to this computer. Anyone?

Video – Apple’s MacBook Air 12-inch Blunder

Reading some other blogs this morning and came up with this gem from Shane Labs who heard from his “mentor” on RISK…

You have to take risks that are going to make you feel like you’ve just jumped out of an airplane. Naked. And you’re falling so fast your balls are slapping you in the face.

Any questions?

God is Love?

I look at me. What am I? I’m ruled by a drive inside – the very basic, the MOST basic drive, that is pleasure and pain. I move toward pleasure. I avoid pain. Everything I do is governed by this. Nothing falls outside it. I look at everyone else. Same thing. I look at the animal kingdom – same thing. The pleasure pain principle makes us what? Selfish. It makes us look out for ourselves first. Our own pleasures, our own avoiding pain, puts us at odds not only with those around us – with animals and plants around us- which we care little for… but it puts us at odds with our selves. We’re at odds with everyone we meet. And yet, another drive is – we NEED social contact. We need food. We need (at least crave like lunatics) sex. We need a safe home. We need power. Control. We all, or most of us seem to need to figure shit out about what is going on around us.

We have these drives… they are inborn. They don’t come from outside us. Dogs have them – some of them. They tear each other apart for crossing what they assume in their head is their territory.

In the big picture – we are at odds with ourselves, society, the environment, animals, and plants. We are selfishly driven. We cause extraordinary pain to others as we try to make ourselves happy, or hurt less. We are struggling against forces that we can never overcome. We are ants in the plastic vertical cannister that are here for something’s amusement. Or, we’re here for nothing at all. Or, we’re here as the result of a mistake. Or, we’re here as the result of a god that didn’t think it through. Or we’re here as the result of a science experiment by alien kids. Or, we’re the result of alien genetic engineering. Or… the possibilities are almost endless.

We’re not here as the result of any supreme god’s love for us.

My sister, Laura Lovic-Lindsay just had a short (flash fiction) published at FiresideFiction.com and I love it.

Maybe you will too.

It is every bit as odd as I expected from her. She is really the queen of weird stories!

Shoelace

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