A Boy of 7… Saddest Story I Ever Heard

My girlfriend told me the saddest story I believe I’ve ever heard in my life.

Today she went to a special needs school to help volunteers teach at the school. She coordinates placements of volunteers to help poor or disadvantaged kids.

She showed me photos in her camera of a 7 yr old boy with multiple disabilities. He has autism and can’t speak. He grunts and makes noises. Apparently he understands some things he hears but it’s best to use hand motions to teach him or tell him what you want. His whole right side is weak as if suffering from a stroke.

The saddest thing…?

When he was born his parents realized something was wrong with him. They never treated him as a human being worth their time or effort to help – they treated him like there was something profoundly wrong with him and like an animal.

They soon divorced. When they did – neither his mom or his dad wanted the boy and they dropped him off at the dad’s mother’s house – who is very old and has no money coming in.

I’m not at the saddest part yet.

The most heartbreaking thing I think I ever heard was that the boy won’t let others touch him because he knows he’s not worth it. He knows he’s not human – he believes it with his entire self – that’s what he learned from his parents. He believes he is not human and not worth someone’s effort to praise, touch, or hold him. He won’t allow himself to feel any love because his self esteem is rock bottom.

Did you ever hear of such a thing?

Welcome to God’s Game 101. I’ll help you come to an understanding I have about whatever god or series of events made this absolute tragedy that we call life.

God must really have a good plan for this little boy, eh?

Urinary Tract Infection then Hand/Feet Amputation then Death

God either has a really profoundly farked up sense of humor and control issues, or is non-existent. I’m guessing it’s a case of the first one.

Twenty year old Brazilian beauty queen (and I don’t agree at all with beauty pageants, but that’s another post entirely) contestant for Miss World, Mariana Bridi, recently came down with what everyone thought was a urinary tract infection. I’ve known girls to get them – wear your panties too tight or with too much nylon in your crotch and you’ll get one too. They’re common and usually nothing to get all worked up about. It hurts when you pee and you pee a lot. Even doctors recommend drinking lots of cranberry juice for some reason.

So, here’s this girl doing well in the contests… hoping to bring her poor family out of the economic cellar… they have very little money. She comes down with a urinary tract infection that is misdiagnosed initially as kidney stones. They then realize, no, it’s urinary tract infection and give her the drugs to kill it off.

Doesn’t work.

In a few days they amputate her feet – both. The infection had cut the oxygen to her limbs.

In another day I think, they amputate her hands. Yes, two = hands.

Then recently – Saturday – she dies from it!

Is that unbelievable?

10% of all hospital infections each year (over 2 million) are said to be from this same organism called Pseudomonas aeruginosa. What a wicked fucking bug, eh?

Just a sick reminder of the state of reality here on this sick ball of shite. Thank you god for all the horrorshow microscopic bugs you put on the planet that eat our flesh and cut off oxygen to our limbs, forcing amputation. You sick farker.

God doesn’t give two farks who comes down with what and for what reasons. The game has been laid out – the rules are ruthless… unchanging. God is either absent, incapacitated, or a supreme farkhead.

Photo: Mariana Bridi photo pulled from huffingtonpost.com – and, fine journalists that they are, they didn’t credit it – so, not sure whose photo it is. Welcome to online journalism.

25 Reasons I Believe God Doesn’t Give a $h!t

Human Beings at Odds with Life’s Rules: Gravity

Life’s rules are setup already. We’re playing by the rules – we don’t have a choice in the rules I’m talking about.

Gravity, our dependence on oxygen, a range of temperatures we can exist within… things like that. Those things aren’t changing. They aren’t able to change. We can adapt by doing things to counter them temporarily, but, when we pop out of the womb we’re at odds with so many rules that have already been mandated.

One such rule… is gravity.

I don’t know how much anybody has really looked into it – but, gravity is a serious bitch to live with. Should we have it at all? That’s to be debated in another post. For now let’s just observe what a better way of going about gravity might have been.

Gravity affects everything the same way. Everything is pulled to the earth at the rate of 9.8 meters per second per second. That’s the acceleration of gravity. We call the pull of gravity, 1g force. When you hit an Oak tree in your car you’ll experience some amount of g’s as your face hits the windshield, chest hits the steering wheel. The front of your car experienced a higher number of g’s than did your face because the metal between you and the front cushioned you from some of the g’s.

On the moon the rate of gravity is said to be about 1/6th what it is here on earth. Man landed on the moon, walked on the moon, and there are rocks all over the moon. Everything is still held down by that force of gravity which I’ll call 1mg (moon gravity).

I’ll come back to this…

Gravity is a bitch, as I said earlier. Why is gravity a bitch?

• It affects things of larger mass more.
• It is inescapable here on earth. We’ve tried but we don’t even know what gravity IS, we can’t possibly figure out how to avoid it except by sending planes diving at the rate of 9.8 meters per second per second so the occupants can temporarily experience zero g’s.
• When mass is gained – gravity pulls at more of it. Meaning, when the body gets bigger – more weight the person needs to fight against to do anything.
• Gravity can kill you as a result of a fall from just 6 feet if you happen to fall on your head.
• Everything we do requires a lot more energy to overcome gravity of 1g than it would to overcome 1mg.

The first question is – Why is gravity so strong?

1g is much stronger than we need on earth to hold us and everything else down on the ground. It’s overkill. Actually we could have 1 moon gravity and be fine. Why don’t we? Gravity is such a bitch because some idiot(s) created the earth with 1g instead of 1mg causing us to use 6 times as much energy to do the things we want to do. This applies to the potential of the earth’s stored energy that we use too – gasoline would be much more effective at 1mg than it is at the current 1g. If an SUV weighed the equivalent of 600 pounds instead of 3,500 pounds then we’d use a lot less gas and pollute the environment a hell of a lot less – agreed?

Batteries to power cars. Windmills. All sorts of energy would be a lot more potent if there was 6 times less gravity to overcome.

Lets go back to humans and how we’re at odds with gravity directly.

An increase in mass leads to a heavier weight as a result of gravity, as I’ve stated.

Humans need to move our bodies against gravity – whether walking to get food, find safety, dick around – or whatever else. When we move our body we’re fighting gravity of 1g.

The human body does not have a static mass. It’s always changing. Some of us have the equivalent of 2 body masses. Scientists say that genetics plays a part in this. I agree – there is some range of weight that is naturally a function of the size of the body, metabolism, and other genetic factors we have no control over. Some of us were really screwed with a bad metabolism and as a result fight with gravity as a major part of their game of life – and eventually succumb to it and die.

Whatever created this earth, gravity, people – screwed those that naturally have a genetic propensity for larger mass.

Myself? I was lucky. My girlfriend? Really lucky. She’s about 95 lbs. and 5′ 1″. A guy I used to work with was farked – he was 6′ 5″, was thin, and had to fight to move 120 more pounds for everything he did – than my girlfriend does.

Why did my co-worker get farked genetically with his size and weight?

As humans gravity is a bitch in conjunction with some other of life’s rules that affect us.

What else besides genetics affects our mass?

Eating, right. We were set up to lose from the start in this area too. Eating is something we find pleasurable. If we eat a lot – until we’re full, we feel good. We killed the hunger craving that is implicit in the human being. Everyone has it. Everyone knows that putting food in the mouth and filling the stomach leads to a calming of the hunger pangs.

Problem is – eating a lot – adds mass. Doing something for your body that is good – eating – can lead to a gain in mass, causing the human to fight harder to go about daily life.

Is it strange that doing something we NEED to do to stay alive can cause a bad situation if we do it too much?

Not really. In fact, that appears to be how much of life is designed.

What about this…

Eating a lot of plain puffed-rice cakes or popcorn you popped without using oil won’t cause you to gain weight. There are few calories.  However, eating a lot of chocolate cake which is considered really delicious by most people across the world – leads to a big weight gain and fight against gravity.

Why is life setup like this?

I don’t really “get it”. Why is life setup against us from the start? There are so many things we have to overcome in order to continue to live that it doesn’t seem like it makes sense that we are supposed to go on fighting to live longer.

In this age we have it quite good, and yet we’re STILL fighting the most basic things like gravity. In the past cavemen or however you want to think of early humans fought sabertooth tigers, tyrannosaurus rex, and other heinous beasts. Many lost loved ones to large birds and other human-eating animals like lions, bear, snakes… don’t forget about them – if you think you have it fine here right now – it’s because you missed the first part of this great game but billions before you died fighting more horrible things than gravity, and gravity too.

I wish whatever started this stupid game would come out from behind the black curtain and get an ass-kicking so I can feel better about it for a few minutes at least.

Accidents? My Ass

People that believe wholeheartedly in god’s “good nature” are a mystery to me. I don’t understand, not even slightly. I can’t make myself understand. I’ve tried. I’ve really put effort into understanding how they could possibly ignore all the sick things going on in this world – and brush them off. Some even accept them. Embrace them even as some sort of important piece of god’s magnificent plan for the world and it’s people.

If you could stop your mind for one second. Clear it about all you believe in and what is responsible for it. God, satan, magic, poltergeist, your unconscious, etc. Just start from ground zero and ask yourself what kind of things are going on here that don’t make sense if one is to believe that whatever created this world – or whatever led to this world, was “good” in some way. If what created this world was something or someone deserving of respect, and even praise.

I’ll be the first to say, if I knew a god that was really good and did things for mankind that helped them… that fostered growth toward some ideal situation – enlightenment or whatever else could possibly be a good goal for a person to become like… Well, wait a sec, lets use “god-like“. If I knew a god that could help me become more god-like, assuming god was a magnificently GOOD being – then I’d be the first to praise him. I’d be down on my knees every day, and at various times during the day to thank him/her (it) for such an amazing opportunity to become better. To become great. To become perfect.

As it is I spend a fair amount of my day cussing whatever is in charge because the whole state of the world and mankind is so gut-wrenchingly disgusting to me.

Whatever led to what we have here… this earth, these countries… this environment, gravity, materials of the earth… what man creates… is here because of something. I don’t like when people go back and blame things on humans themselves for inventing something that creates widespread destruction. I’ve heard people blame other people for things such as AIDS, global warming, even accidents such as the meltdown at Chernobyl.

I could make this blog post into a book because I could bring in so much… but the challenge is to keep it short and get you to see the problem without coming up with reactions to what I’m going to say…

The definition of accident is something that happens that is unexpected. An accident can have good or bad outcomes, but usually we attribute the bad outcomes to be the result of accidents. Some people say accidents birthed many inventions we have today. Some say accidents are the cause of horrible things happening around the world. Surely you’ve had an accident in your car, on your motorcycle, in your boat, on your bicycle or skateboard.

In the case of a car accident – was it you or the other driver’s fault, or both?

Neither. It wasn’t either one of your faults – as you didn’t create the possibility for accidents to happen on earth. You didn’t create the possibility for accidents to exist in our species to begin with. Christians and other theists are oblivious to this. They go on believing it was a humans fault for the accident.

In the case of a car accident – let’s say one person forgot to signal, for the sake of simplicity. The other person, not seeing a signal decided to pass on the side the person was turning. In human terms we know who was at fault, both of them, but maybe more so the person that forgot to signal and made a turn anyway. The person behind was acting on the information he knew to be true – and so passed at the same time, all of it leading to an accident.

But, that’s only going back to the humans. For the sake of society – it’s OK, we go back to place responsibility on the humans that were involved. It’s all we can do to try to keep society functioning. I don’t disagree with what we do to cope with what we’ve been given by god or whatever events… Someone has to be at fault here – right?

How can we blame god? We can’t give god a ticket and make him pay for expenses.

In a perfect world we could.

A faulty memory is the cause that’s easily seen. But, what caused a faulty memory? Whatever created us or whatever created this mess we call life. How can it be any other way. Everything that happens on this earth, everything that happens to us, for us, in spite of us…. happens for a reason. The reason isn’t BECAUSE of us… it acts through us. Through our faulty mechanics.

The true reason is outside of us. Way outside.

Factors going into the accident are things like:

• The fallibility of the brain. It forgets occasionally. Some people forget often. Is it the person’s fault he forgot? Hell no. It’s a consequence of having a brain that was made the way it was.
  
• The increasing probability of memory to fail when the mind is occupied with other thoughts. The brain isn’t a computer program that follows only one program at a time. It’s parallel processing other programs at the same time, sometimes one program overlaps another, more important program. BAM! Accident. It’s the mind and the way it works.
  
• The increasing probability of memory to fail when the body is tired. After 10pm I don’t speak Thai, it’s an impossibility. I just can’t think to speak it when I’m tired. If this accident occurred at 3am the guy that forgot might have been physically tired.
  
• The increasing probability of the mind to choose incorrectly when emotionally upset. An emotional fog some call the inability to think clearly, logically, rationally and to act based on that clear thinking. Emotional blinders are what we call the inability to see all the details of something when one is emotionally involved.
  
• The increasing probability that an illogical choice will be made because of prior events affection emotions. For instance, before the man forgot to signal he was tailgated by the jackass behind him for the last 13 miles. He reacted with a bit of vengeance, turning without the signal. This isn’t really forgetting, but gives a taste of what we’ll go over in the next section… other reasons accidents happen.
  

There are so many things that go into the simple act of “forgetting”. We could list 75 things that affect it. Are those 75 things responsible? Nope. Go back one more step – to who or what is responsible for those things being able to affect our lives – forgetting to signal. THAT is what is responsible. If you can go back another step beyond that – which we can’t, logically – then we should. Go to the cause. The original cause, not a cause down the list.

Not all accidents are the cause of memory or emotions getting involved. Sometimes there’s an error or judgment.

Two lumberjacks cutting wood in Alaska cut a tree down that falls on a co-worker. It’s an accident as far as humans can see. They want to blame someone.

Who is at fault? Did someone forget to do something? Nope. Was someone pissed off at the guy that died? Nope. They were all friends, there was no emotional problem between the two guys cutting the tree and the guy the tree fell on.

So, what was involved in this accident? Could be many things…

• The wind kicked up at the wrong time, blowing it over before it was cut through at the intended angle.
• The tree didn’t grow with equal density throughout the area they were cutting. The last cut went too fast and the angle of the cut changed, cause the tree to fall at an angle that was unexpected.
• The guy that was hit by the tree found a wallet on the ground, in the path of the falling tree. In his estimation he could grab it before the tree fell on him. Reality showed him to be incorrect.
• The guy threw himself under the tree to kill himself as he was tired of all the bullshit he’d been dished out in life. He’d reached the end and suicide was the option he felt would make things a little better.

So, all these things could have been involved. How many of them are of human origin?

None of them.

Do you understand that? There is nothing a human being can do to change everything we’ve been given in terms of how the mind acts, and what it is capable of. Our thoughts, our emotions, our rationalizations, our estimations, our intelligence or lack of it, our memory and it’s fallibility… the environment we grew up in – facilitative or dysfunctional. We don’t control ANY of it.

Who did? What did?

Whatever did… I don’t have the answer. Was it god? Was it a process that led to all this?

Whatever it was – a process, or a god… it thoroughly sucks. It’s not good by any stretch of my imagination. Is there a good reason for pain caused by accidents caused by god giving us faulty brains, gravity, wind, emotions, etc…?

If there is – we’re oblivious to it.

Don’t blame each other – it’s natural. Every single thing that is happening here is natural. Natural does NOT mean good. Natural means – it’s happening, it’s happened in the past… it’s likely to continue happening in the future. Get used to it. There’s no one to blame. God or whatever it is – is hiding out. He opted out of the game after creating it. He’s sucking down Corona Light with lime in Tijuana.

Seriously, I wouldn’t be at all surprised. God is not concerned with what is going on here – out of love for us.

Weaver Ants, TERROR on the Mountain Top!

God made little girls and psychotic sex fiends. If he’s gonna take credit for one – he better take it for the whole mess.

Likewise he’s gotta admit – he made these Weaver ants, which appear to me to be straight from hell. They are an insect’s worse nightmare. As I’ve already shown once, but am about to show again with first hand documentation.

At the top of a mountain – as I’ve been a lot lately. I’m always amazed by the number and variety of wildlife up there. It’s nearly 1000 vertical feet high. It’s windy and a lot of bugs get blown onto the tiled concrete structure. Once there – many can’t get back up to fly because there’s a small curb-type wall that stops them. Most could fly over that you’d think, but, since the wind is so strong coming up the mountain and over the top – when a bug tries to fly upwards he/she gets knocked back down.

The weaver ants know this. They have nests up there in the leaves. They weave these big leave nests to have their eggs. Some Thais eat the eggs – I ate them for lunch once. ggs in my soup in Thailand >

You might wonder – did you feel bad eating the ants’ eggs? Hell no. What for? God made me like I am and them like they are. If I can eat something without getting violently ill, I just might – you know? There’s no morality holding me back, as there’s no morality to ants about what they do to other insects.

So I’m watching these Weaver ants just kind of hanging around in a group. A large group of them is in the shade and a few scouts were walking around slowly in the sunshine area. They congregate at the couple spots on the floor where they know they’re likely to find a meal. Today was no different. I first saw some small winged bug get caught in a down-drift and stuck on the tile close to the ants. Immediately a scout went over, bit it and stepped back. The fly flew horizontally as far as he could in the opposite direction – hopeless to get out against the down-draft and back up into the air.

I went back to eating my rambutan, fruit of the gods. The good gods – wherever they went.

I looked down again when I saw a bug in front of me get caught in the wind and tossed down on the tiles. It was a beautiful 4-winged insect – almost like a butterfly – and for lack of a better word – that’s what I’ll call it. It had amazing colors. It tried a few times to get off the tile and fly up into the air – but the wind was much too strong.

The ants saw it too. A few came over and bit it and stepped back. It tried to go quickly but then one grabbed it’s left front leg, immediately one grabbed the right front leg. Quickly 30 ants or so surrounded it, all of them biting down somewhere. All legs were held by 1-3 ants. I count 18 ants in the one photo. Ants got under it’s belly and bit into it there too.

The butterfly was instantly captive and just waiting to die.

I hopped down from my perch and went about killing red Weaver ants by the tens. The ones that were holding the butterfly DID NOT LET GO! No matter what I did! I would kill an ant right in front of them – they held tight to the butterfly! So, I killed ever damn one. The last one was stuck to the underbelly and though I had crushed his abdomen – he held fast to the butterfly! I couldn’t believe it. I had to pull the thing off – separating his head from his body.

And that was that. The butterfly had some of his wings ripped, I’m sure he was stunned from the many bites. He didn’t try to fly or do anything. I thought he was dead already.

I picked him up and launched him into the air – and he flew off.

I thought – cool.

Then I wondered – what the hell is the point of fighting against the natural, though very FARKED state of the food cycle? I made myself feel better for evening up the score a little – but, to what end? Am I going to make right all the farked up things in the world that god, in his infinite stupidity created?

Nah.

Life is full of things that don’t make any sense. The only theory that makes any sense is that this life means nothing at all. All that happens here means not a thing. Of course, humankind being ignorant of that truth – if it exists, means that we don’t understand what the hell is going on here – but, no matter. Whatever created this mess wanted it that way.

Why?

WTF Animal Kingdom: Weaver Ants Rip Apart Enemy (Red ant)

Click photo to enlarge!

We have these weaver ants (the large ones) here in Thailand. They are smart ants. They look right at you when you put your face close to them. They appear to be figuring you out as they do so.

Here they are ripping a red ant apart. Why do they do this? It’s “natural”. Many things here on earth have these genetic behaviors pre-wired from birth. They kill enemies in whatever way possible. Usually it involves teamwork like this, stretch them until they fly apart.

Why would a creator, a god, an alien, whatever made this world – or started this game… why would it be created LIKE THIS? What the fark is going on here? Are you seeing what I’m saying?

My college professor in Family Therapy class used to stand up on his chair in the middle of class and say,

“Am I making any SENSE to you PEOPLE?”

Well, am I?

Beautiful Sunset Illuminates the Heavens. Who Can Enjoy It?

This is typically something that happens when you think you’re having a great experience.

For me it was a sunset taking place over a southern Asian town. It was breathtaking, and the colors in the sky were changing constantly. If I stopped taking photos for even 10 seconds already the sky had changed and I felt like I was missing something. I was amazed at it. The beauty, the scale of it. God’s canvas, right? Surely this must be something the creator gave us to enjoy.

Like a good Pizza from Joe’s in The Village around 18th street (I forget the exact address). But that’s another story entirely. A sick one at that.

But back to this story…

Maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of reality during your peak experience. Maybe a bird will drop a bomb on your head. Maybe you’re sitting on a group of red ants. Maybe a centipede found the area between your foot and sandal ideally wet and warm after your climb up the hill to see the amazing sunset.

Or maybe nothing negative happens to you. As far as you’re concerned you haven’t a care in the world. You’re at one with the awesome experience and you’re blissed out.

But, if you happened to look around for a second you might see something that doesn’t mesh with the peak experience. It’s always there, in memory if not within your field of vision. I’d hope it’s somewhere close to top of mind. It’s always there for me.

For me, in this case it was whining at my feet. It was a dog that I see every time I come up to see the sunset. Well, most times. He’s a horribly suffering beast that is just one of tens of thousands (hundreds of thousands? Millions?) in Thailand. Thais’ don’t have the same sense of duty to take care of animals as most of us in the USA. They tend to let them go and do as they will, have babies as they will. Get hit by cars as they will. Get sick as they will. Live and die as they will. It’s a ‘hands-off’ approach I guess you could say.

And, what duty do we have toward dogs anyway? Why this special feeling toward dogs and not rats? Rats can be tamed. Bears and wild jaguars can be tamed. Why not the same nurturing of animals other than cats, dogs and ferrets? Not sure. For myself I feel the pain of all of them. It’s disgusting that their normal state of being is not to be without fleas, ticks, mange. That’s what aim for in the USA with our pets – but what we don’t really get, is that whatever created this whole mess – screwed the animals really good.

I can never really enjoy a sunset because this poor dog is there all the time, reminding me – life blows man. Life is sucking hard every single day not only for the people of this world, but for the animals. Maybe WORSE for the animals – who’s to say?

This dog has mange on his butt, his scrotum, his shoulders, his ear, close to his right eye and on various parts of his legs. He is unceasingly scratching and biting at his cracked, falling off and openly bleeding skin. This is his normal state. He is suffering from the time he’s awake. Add to that the Thais’ seeming indifference to when or if he gets fed.

He’s hungry every time I see him too. I bring him a container of fatty milk and either some dog food or cookies when I come up. He wolfs it all down at once. He’s insatiable. Guess he figures better get it while he can.

It’s funny how many people want to tell me the great things about life… about living this nutty game. They point out that I have it pretty good. I have my health. I have enough food everyday. I have an income – though small, using the computer to create blogs and run ads on them. I’m mentally OK. I have no genetic anomalies. I have all my fingers and toes, the right number of noses and things.

I guess I should clarify.

I’m not angry at the state of existence of man and animal-kind for myself. I understand I have things better than 99% of the entire world. I’m disgusted and outraged at the state of others’ problems. Sure, my life has been up and down but for the most part – WAY UP. There’s nothing for me to gripe about in my life except just the monotony and sickness of it that other people have to go through. Kids born to crack addicted prostitute moms might just be the most horrible way to enter the world I can think of. No wait, what about being born without arms, legs, blind and deaf?

I really feel for the people that are having a horror-show life. Animals too.

Don’t you?

Vultures Eating Dying Kids in Africa

Probably you feel something as you look at this photo…

What do you feel?

Me? I feel disgust… outrage… hate… a real hate I guess… an overwhelming, “what the fark kind of world is this” kind of hate.

But hate who? Who did this? Is the baby responsible? The baby’s parents?

Maybe the vulture for having a taste for flesh of all sorts?

Maybe you, maybe you didn’t send enough money somewhere to help all the kids in the world? There are starving kids. Kids being raped during wars. Kids prostituted in poor countries. Kids sucking grisle out of neckbones of rats and snakes to survive. Didn’t YOU send enough money to help every one of them out? Of course not, you couldn’t.

So hate who? What?

Maybe, like me – you understand that the baby, the baby’s parents had little to do with this poor child’s health. Probably. There are millions of children and adults near death because they aren’t getting enough to eat everyday.

Why?

God or whatever clown set us up with this game farked some of us REALLY GOOD as you can see by the photo. When do we start getting angry at the CAUSE? The cause is not poor distribution of food… something came before that.

Do you see what I’m saying?