Mike Fook Books – Ebooks | Fiction Thrillers | WTF

I get in these moods… I don’t give a shit about all 47 projects I have going on. I don’t care about anything much – consistently over time… just the biggies.

There are a few of them…

My daughter, son, wife, family back in the USA, and this pure-shit experience somebody named, “life”.

The way the game of life has been setup on this planet is the source of never-ending frustration for me. My own life isn’t bad really. I don’t think there’s one among you reading this that would say I had it bad in any way. I have my health, mental faculties, we’re in a good place financially, I could quit doing everything for a couple years and we’d still be fine.

No, the frustration isn’t with my life. It’s what I see happening for so many other people… maybe even you.

On a daily basis – my life is usually smooth sailing. I am just quite fucking lucky that I’m on an upswing I guess. My life has resembled a SINE wave, but usually I’m on the upswing. In fact, I’ll graph my life in curved line form and show you what I think my life has looked like.

[Ok, no I won't... Google Documents has a "drawing" feature that absolutely sucks. I'm done with that after 15 minutes of fooking around and I have nothing to show for it. This is also why tablet computers aren't good for shit at the moment. I could go find a piece of paper and marker... draw the graph... find my camera... shoot a photo of the paper... upload it to my computer... edit it... upload it to my site, and link to it - all MUCH faster and with much better result than using Google's "drawing" POS.]

Anyway.

My life…

Without going into what the low-points were – some of the highlights were things like…

• gaining the ability to communicate with others through speech
• getting a girlfriend in high school
• graduating high school
• dropping Christianity and studying many other religions
• then coming to realization that this is it… I am as god as it gets
• marriage
• another marriage
• meditation experiences
• a son
• another marriage
• finding my current long-term partner, and having a wonderful daughter

That’s where we are today.

In general I’m on a massive upswing – and it has lasted most of my adult life. The positives in my life have far outweighed the negatives when compared to other people’s lives. I’ve been lucky as hell in many areas of life… in fact, at any given time there are numerous and multi-colored daisies and daffodils sprouting gingerly from my silly ass.

The problem is, that I feel others’ misfortunes far more than anyone else I know. Though my life is pretty much all pink fucking roses, and has been for the last 7 years especially, I feel the pain of others like it was my own.

I’m not talking about just people that I know having problems. I’m talking about ANYBODY I see with problems.

Problems like…

• someone missing an arm
• someone missing an eye
• someone missing a leg – frequent problem here in Thailand where motorbike crashes are common
• kids with Down’s syndrome and other genetic issues
• kids with fetal alcohol syndrome and other maladies caused by parental fuckups
• people with giant black / brown patches all over the side or front of their face
• people that are alcoholics, gamblers, or otherwise addicted to something else they can’t get rid of
• piss poor people that have kids that are running around without pants because parents can’t afford pampers and can’t be bothered with cleaning their clothes every time they defecate in them
• piss poor people living in huts with see-through gaps in walls
• piss poor people breaking their fucking backs to pull rice or some other crop in the 95 degree heat of southern Thailand
• piss poor girls working in the sex-tourist areas so they can make 3-20 times what they would in 7-11

What really, really gets me and rips my ass through my nose?

Seeing a kid that I know is going to grow up in a bad situation – because his parents were either dealt a shit hand by their parents, god, or possibly created a shit hand for themselves which they are powerless to change – and so they hand it off for their kids to experience as well.

Anything you can think of that rips your ass through YOUR nose?

This is typically something that happens when you think you’re having a great experience.

For me it was a sunset taking place over a southern Asian town. It was breathtaking, and the colors in the sky were changing constantly. If I stopped taking photos for even 10 seconds already the sky had changed and I felt like I was missing something. I was amazed at it. The beauty, the scale of it. God’s canvas, right? Surely this must be something the creator gave us to enjoy.

Like a good Pizza from Joe’s in The Village around 18th street (I forget the exact address). But that’s another story entirely. A sick one at that.

But back to this story…

Maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of reality during your peak experience. Maybe a bird will drop a bomb on your head. Maybe you’re sitting on a group of red ants. Maybe a centipede found the area between your foot and sandal ideally wet and warm after your climb up the hill to see the amazing sunset.

Or maybe nothing negative happens to you. As far as you’re concerned you haven’t a care in the world. You’re at one with the awesome experience and you’re blissed out.

But, if you happened to look around for a second you might see something that doesn’t mesh with the peak experience. It’s always there, in memory if not within your field of vision. I’d hope it’s somewhere close to top of mind. It’s always there for me.

For me, in this case it was whining at my feet. It was a dog that I see every time I come up to see the sunset. Well, most times. He’s a horribly suffering beast that is just one of tens of thousands (hundreds of thousands? Millions?) in Thailand. Thais’ don’t have the same sense of duty to take care of animals as most of us in the USA. They tend to let them go and do as they will, have babies as they will. Get hit by cars as they will. Get sick as they will. Live and die as they will. It’s a ‘hands-off’ approach I guess you could say.

And, what duty do we have toward dogs anyway? Why this special feeling toward dogs and not rats? Rats can be tamed. Bears and wild jaguars can be tamed. Why not the same nurturing of animals other than cats, dogs and ferrets? Not sure. For myself I feel the pain of all of them. It’s disgusting that their normal state of being is not to be without fleas, ticks, mange. That’s what aim for in the USA with our pets – but what we don’t really get, is that whatever created this whole mess – screwed the animals really good.

I can never really enjoy a sunset because this poor dog is there all the time, reminding me – life blows man. Life is sucking hard every single day not only for the people of this world, but for the animals. Maybe WORSE for the animals – who’s to say?

This dog has mange on his butt, his scrotum, his shoulders, his ear, close to his right eye and on various parts of his legs. He is unceasingly scratching and biting at his cracked, falling off and openly bleeding skin. This is his normal state. He is suffering from the time he’s awake. Add to that the Thais’ seeming indifference to when or if he gets fed.

He’s hungry every time I see him too. I bring him a container of fatty milk and either some dog food or cookies when I come up. He wolfs it all down at once. He’s insatiable. Guess he figures better get it while he can.

It’s funny how many people want to tell me the great things about life… about living this nutty game. They point out that I have it pretty good. I have my health. I have enough food everyday. I have an income – though small, using the computer to create blogs and run ads on them. I’m mentally OK. I have no genetic anomalies. I have all my fingers and toes, the right number of noses and things.

I guess I should clarify.

I’m not angry at the state of existence of man and animal-kind for myself. I understand I have things better than 99% of the entire world. I’m disgusted and outraged at the state of others’ problems. Sure, my life has been up and down but for the most part – WAY UP. There’s nothing for me to gripe about in my life except just the monotony and sickness of it that other people have to go through. Kids born to crack addicted prostitute moms might just be the most horrible way to enter the world I can think of. No wait, what about being born without arms, legs, blind and deaf?

I really feel for the people that are having a horror-show life. Animals too.

Don’t you?