I do this sometimes, call on the dead for help with what I should be doing. I’ve long since given up on God or anything related to it, but I still think there must be something out there – someone – that knows what I should be focusing on better than I do.
My cousin posted on Facebook last night, his mother, my great Aunt Pat, had passed away at 84. So, that was on my mind when I climbed into bed at a very early 9:00 pm. last night. I woke up at 3:22 am. for my mid-morning pee, as usual. When I got back into bed (onto pad, is more like it) I was agonizing over what I should be doing with my life.
What is the best thing I could possibly focus on right now to bring me the optimal gains?
This is maybe the most common question I ask myself. In my early years – twenties, thirties, I always came up with the answer. I chose well and I did well. It wasn’t a problem to come up with the ideal focus.
Today at 47, my head spins every time I ask myself.
Last night I took to calling on every dead person I know to give me the frickin’ answer. One of them knows. Maybe they all know. I think they all know. Problem is – they cannot, will not, should not, or whateverthefuck not – contact me and tell me the answer. Well, I cussed god for a few minutes and then got right into calling everyone out on the carpet to give me the news.
NEED THE INFO!!
As Dr. Evil said so eloquently in that flick.
Uncle John – spill it. I need to know right now, quit dicking around, tell me as fast as you can what I need to be doing with my life right now. I’m pulled in too many directions. I have too many skills. I am too much of a generalist. What should I specialize in?
Grandma Kulick – come on. Who was your favorite grandson? Johnny. Shit. Anyway, you loved me like a rock… what in the hell should I be focusing on right now? Come on, tell me Grandma, give me this one thing and then go back to sleep or whatever you’re doing.
Aunt Pat – if anyone can reach me right now, it’s you. Dead less than a day – you surely have to just will it and reach out and touch me – giving me the magic words that will soothe my soul. Give me the good word!
Uncle Tom – yes, I really had an uncle Tom. Sorry. He was a Catholic priest. What in the hell are you DOING OUT THERE? Put yourself to task and figure out what I’d best be doing. Call on your god… call in some favors, whatever, just get me the word man. Give me something to GO ON here. Help me with a hint, a small clue, anything that will get me started in the right direction.
Teryn!! For fuck’s sake already! My volleyball buddy and general miscreant. Where in the world have you gone off to after the motorcycle accident with Charlie? For god’s holy sake, do you have a minute you could spare an old friend? Got any insight into what in the hell my life should be moving toward at this moment? You know my goal is to provide for my family and pay off shitheaps of bills. Can you please just tell me on WHAT my brilliant lunatic mind should be working on? What is my best shot at coming out from under this steaming pile of shite?
I didn’t call on anyone from my wife’s family that recently passed. We’re still in Thailand and they believe in ghosts VERY strongly here. Maybe better not to bring the ghosts into the bedroom here.
I fell asleep after about 90 minutes of talking to the dead.
When I awoke at 8:00 am., I had a very detailed memory of a dream I just had.
I was at Wat Pah Nanachat, a Buddhist temple in Thailand’s northeast. Many foreigners go there to ordain as monks. Apparently that was my answer. I’m supposed to go be a monk at this time.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t fit the picture. I need to make money right now and provide for my family, provide a really solid savings for them, so if I choose to go be a monk or whatever, I can do that. It’s impossible to go stay at a temple for any length of time right now. I’m angry at my mind, or whatever meathead – god or otherwise, put that silly notion into my head.
Will try again tonight and see if I get a better answer. The notion that the cosmos leads us in the right direction is pure lunacy.
Let’s give it another chance here and see what we get.